Letter to Ezra at 10 months

Dear Ezra,

When I wrote my last letter you weren’t even three months old. You have since started sitting up (4 months), you’re crawling (9 months) and just getting your first tooth. These developmental milestones are only a few of the ways in which you’ve grown and changed since December. You’ve changed in countless ways. At 10 months, you are leaving infancy behind. I feel as though I can barely recall how small you were even though as I lay breastfeeding you at 6 weeks, 3 months and 6 months, I tried to memorize your imprint in my arms. 

At 10 months, you’re on the cusp of toddlerhood. It’s not just that you’re mobile. Your personhood is right in front of my eyes. You have opinions, likes and dislikes. You’re very vocal and babble on the phone with your Aunt Effie and Grandma Sandy. You’re friendly and funny. You love music and you love to dance. You’ve learned to shake your head “yes” as well as “no.” You’re now a master of waving. You like playing with balls.

You are experiencing separation anxiety. So am I. Some days it’s harder than others to leave you at daycare. It’s not only that I miss you when I’m at work. It’s hard to see you crying and to walk away and leave you when I would rather comfort you. I’m comforted to know you don’t cry for long, you like your Knee High friends and you are well cared for.

You are home all week with your Dad. It’s nice to come home and find you and your Dad waiting for me, the two people I love most in the world! This Friday we leave for a week-long visit with your aunt Jessie in North Carolina. I’m really looking forward to our time off and to spending more than a week with you – the longest since my maternity leave ended when you were only 8 weeks old! 

I have been thinking about our future and wondering about the future you. But, I try not to make too many assumptions or dwell on it too much. I want to remain in the present and enjoy our experiences together as they happen. When I feel a twinge of frustration that a breastfeeding session is taking too long or that you are too wiggly, I remind myself that it’s temporary and will be over all too quickly.

I’m eagerly anticipating your first birthday even though it’s almost two months away. Your dad and I are planning your party already, and we’re looking forward to sharing it with your great-grandparents, grandparents, aunts and uncles.

I sometimes fear how much I love you. But I also revel in how much I love you. At 10 months, you’re no longer an infant, but you’re still my baby.

With all the love my heart can hold,
Your mother